This morning I was trying to be still. Silence…such a hard task for me. Phone calls. Random thoughts. Distractions. Desiring to be moving and doing something else.

I was trying to reflect on the Scripture of the day. The passage was that of the Annunciation (Luke 1:26-38). The angel Gabriel comes to Mary.

I’ve heard the passage a few (hundred) times before. That’s another obstacle –that I have some (presumed) familiarity with the text. That takes some of its rawness and newness away from me. Nevertheless, I sat and asked for a word from God as I read and re-read the passage. It was hard to just be still.

Being still is a difficulty but I am aware that the other meaning of still is also a problem for me. The dictionary says “steadily, constantly, always.”

I’ve seen the bumper stickers: “Wise Men Still Seek Him.” I get daily inspirational messages from Christian author and preacher Max Lucado and the by-line is “The One who came Still comes and the One who Spoke Still Speaks.” Still. So Angels still come? Messengers still speak on behalf of the living God?

So I wonder where my angels are? I want to come up with some profound answer…I have this Hollywood production of “God in Mike’s Life” (I wonder if I should get Steven Spielberg to produce it?) There’s a lot of glitz in my mind but that doesn’t seem to be God’s way of working in my life. So often my angels are my family. They are so close but I am so oblivious to believe God speaks in them to me. These Hollywood ideas of God get in my way. And His.

So let’s just go along with this idea that angels still come and still speak. And still call others for God to be born in them today? Then I catch myself. Isn’t God still calling me to make room for him to come into my heart?

My heart. The center. How I think, spend money, spend time, click on the computer, talk on the phone, watch ESPN, tell jokes, “do” relationships. He wants “in”. That kingdom thing. Starting with my heart. Nowhere else.

Crazy, huh? Shouldn’t God just be satisfied with the periphery? I mean, after all, (here comes my Pharisee) I do speak on religious matters and I do give him “some” time. Religion is kinda my job. Come on, I can’t take this whole faith thing that seriously now, can I?

Anyway, there I am in my” home chapel” (a prayer bench and a prayer table in the corner of my office)….sitting…. trying to imagine what it must have been like for Mary. I imagine how odd, stupefying and scary the whole episode must have seemed to a teenage girl (Mary). I can even echo her reservations: “I don’t see how this can happen.”

Mary was nice, compared to me. My list of why God shouldn’t find favor with me or invite me is very long. Some of it is false humility. Some of it is I don’t want the burden and responsibility that goes with saying yes. I am kinda hoping that the angel’s calls to me are a wrong number. Like I will convince them (and God) to go down the street. Imagine–craving to be found as full of grace and then not accepting that because it means some change or sacrifice. I think I am more odd than this God who is still using angels.

Then the answer back (from Gabriel): “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will OVERSHADOW you.”

That one line struck me hard. God has been overshadowing me. I’ve felt it this year—through some of the things I see and feel as I speak…and as I am home and when we (God and me) connect. There’s power in this “overshadowing” thing. God going past my reservations. Working through my junk. Being more powerful than my sin. Not giving up on my infidelity.

God loves me. God invites me. God wants me. And you. Still.

Mary answered: “Let it be. ” (Beatles version).
My turn to answer…and yours.

Marlene has been my wife for 20 years. We celebrate our anniversary and relationship today. I can’t let this moment pass.

She doesn’t like fanfare. She is a humble, strong person. She shies away from the spotlight.

She has a fierce work ethic.
She is loyal and dedicated–to those she works for, and those who work for her.

She is thoughtful. She shops for Christmas on a year round basis.
It is nothing for her to be shopping for herself and to come home with a shirt for me and clothes for Megan …just because.

She cooks well. No matter what she says or thinks.
She is detailed. Nobody packs for vacation (or my tee shirt bag) like her.
She tells a great joke.
She handles finances for us…well.

She is the mom (and part time dad, when I travel) to the little girl/“tweenager”/wanting to be twenty-something called Megan. She is the object of adoration (and rightly so) from Pepi the wonderdog. She is a saint in my mom’s eyes.

She said yes to me to go on a first date.
She said yes to me when I asked her to share my life.
She said yes to moving from Lafayette to take a job in New Orleans in 1990.
She said yes to letting me try this speaking business.
She says yes everyday to me.

She says no, also.

She performed CPR on my dad as his heart was failing.
She was there when I had my own heart attack.
She is amazing to care for my mom so lovingly (I really think she missed her call).
She is the one of the most loving and compassionate ministers I know.

She is there at my worst. When I am angry, inconsiderate, self-absorbed, childish.
She sees me when no audience is there. She sees me stressing and obsessed over my preparations and travels. She knows my doubt and fear.

She makes me want to be a better person. She inspires me.
She has taught me about the depth of God’s faithful love like no other book, course or retreat.
She is my best friend, my partner, my love.

I love you, Merle. Happy Anniversary.
Thank you, God, for her.